The Anxiety Thread

Random chat: movies, books, games, technology, etcetera.

Moderators: Mexicola, 2020k, Fredd-E, Aesthetics

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
My eldest dog is dying and so I've been going through a lot of stress lately. I decided to make this thread distinct from the depression one because that's not quite what I feel. Anxiety? Share here.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: Banned by request
But I love you )-:

Its quite a hill to climb but what you feel now is only temporary and if you where to try to take your life, the one thing people realise at the last minute as they can perceive their body shutting down on them is that everything they viewed as an issue is trivial in relation to the bigger picture and that each issue is individually addressable.

The first and one of the hardest steps to dealing with this issue by issue is your writing it down and admitting it. That took courage in and of its self.

Any damage done by SSRI's is temporary, trust me. The mind has an amazing capability to heal under the right conditions. I solvented myself almost to death and was an IV heroin user for a while after that just to deal with the brain damage from solvents but after a while I began to feel better and better every day and didn't need to self medicate any more.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: Banned by request
If I had told myself a few years ago when I was lying in hospital after another attempt on my life that I would feel the way I do now and have the sense of optimism and warmth that I do now, I wouldn't have believed it. But I do, save for a few minor moments. Benzos really mess with your perception of reality and value for your own life and if you can gradually reduce by even 5% a month you will be making progress and you will begin to feel clearer and more able to deal with the challenges that life poses.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: Banned by request
I wouldn't try to turn everything into one large issue because it becomes overwhelming when not thinking about them individually. Step one is to slowly address your substance issues, step two is with your new found energy to get your environment looking and feeling like a home rather than just a place to sleep and eat. Eventually by addressing these issues you will naturally attract friends because they will see you as someone who has his shit together. Its a slow climb out of the lake and onto the mountain above but you have every ability to do so, you have every ability to live a really fufilling life. Take the issues that take priority and address them first, eventually all that you will be left with are small trivial things and as time progresses the issues become easier and easier obstacles to climb.

Creativity will naturally come of improving your situation and you will find that making music or art comes with ease when your mind isn't carrying a constant burden around with it. The keystone to all of this is the substances, if you can address that issue the rest of your life will fall into place and the other issues will practically dissolve.

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 8553
Joined: 30 May 2007
Location: Dorset, UK
Messaged you offline too buddy. We're all on your side my friend, even from across the Atlantic. Baby steps. You keep going, please. We'll have another cider in the sunshine yet, you just see if we don't.
Image

Slow down...

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 8553
Joined: 30 May 2007
Location: Dorset, UK
For the record, Rod has asked I edit his OP. While we usually won't revise posts in this way, the personal nature of the thread allowed us to make an exception. Thanks.
Image

Slow down...

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
Valotonin wrote:I wouldn't try to turn everything into one large issue because it becomes overwhelming when not thinking about them individually. Step one is to slowly address your substance issues, step two is with your new found energy to get your environment looking and feeling like a home rather than just a place to sleep and eat. Eventually by addressing these issues you will naturally attract friends because they will see you as someone who has his shit together. Its a slow climb out of the lake and onto the mountain above but you have every ability to do so, you have every ability to live a really fufilling life. Take the issues that take priority and address them first, eventually all that you will be left with are small trivial things and as time progresses the issues become easier and easier obstacles to climb.

Creativity will naturally come of improving your situation and you will find that making music or art comes with ease when your mind isn't carrying a constant burden around with it. The keystone to all of this is the substances, if you can address that issue the rest of your life will fall into place and the other issues will practically dissolve.



Thanks Val (and thanks Mexi).
I wrote the OP of this thread with the same wording I was using in a conversation I had with another Twoismer. Should rephrase: I posted this serve an actual function as neither the "ANGRY RANT" thread or "Depression" thread facilitated this exact purpose.

I have been taking such steps. Lately, I was sidetracked due to a huge stack of additional anxiety. As for having my shit together, I do in that sense. Rest assured that, while you are right to highlight the "substance issues", it hasn't ever been addiction for me (with the exception of carbonated beverages). Can only peripherally relate to the idea of IV -anything- and those who have shared their stories with me. Rather, it's dependence to shit I don't want anymore that's problem; tolerance to medication I've been on forever and as a result the extremely long process of eliminating them. GABAergics are a serious pain in this regard, though it's apparent you already know that.

The key here is more complex than druqks but that's definitely up there. The bulk of the stress I've dealt with lately are the byproduct of things like I mentioned in the OP and the dissolution of my friendship with pretty much the only person I truly see eye to eye with where I live and hanging around with my other friends subjects me to music I don't care for, games I don't like to play, films I don't want to watch (you know what I mean, I'm sure).

So it's a huge mess of issues that I'd rather not (still did not, when I originally posted this thread) fully get into.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

User avatar
Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Offline
Posts: 1246
Joined: 30 Apr 2013
Location: London
Yes, I understand not wanting to spend time with friends because their interests are too divergent. This is an issue with depression (here I go again) because we find it hard to get interested in things in the first place, so our horizons are necessarily narrowed. Makes it difficult to want to be social, which worsens the condition.
Image

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
Aerial Boundaries wrote:Yes, I understand not wanting to spend time with friends because their interests are too divergent. This is an issue with depression (here I go again) because we find it hard to get interested in things in the first place, so our horizons are necessarily narrowed. Makes it difficult to want to be social, which worsens the condition.


Doesn't it suck teleportation doesn't exist?

We'd all be at the Square and Compass every weekend.

Maybe I should look into meetup/couch surfing type stuff. Worked for adecentman.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

User avatar
Sherbet Head
Status: Offline
Posts: 701
Joined: 18 Sep 2010
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
this is one of those times that can be tough to convey the emotion through text, but i read this post yesterday and you were in my thoughts and prayers today earlier at work. i was thinking about how i wished i had posted something last night, but wasn't sure what route to go or what to say. let me start with this, i genuinely wish you well and honestly hope nothing but the best, not only for you, but for all of you guys.

i know anxiety and depression and the ego can be the worst enemy imaginable. sometimes ill be so stuck in my head and overwhelmed with fear and anxiety that its tough to fully experience life. or get any real clarity or peace.

now i am not normally the kind of person who believes in a quick overnight fix or anything like that. but years ago when in a similar mind state as yours, my friend recommended that I read the book. "A New Earth" by "Eckhart Tolle".

i know this can be kind of viewed like, "hey fuck you, no book is helping me out". but honestly the message contained within the book can be life changing. its not going into religious beliefs or anything like that. its just a breakdown of the mind, how the ego (voice in your head) can negatively affect every aspect of your life. and how to become at peace within yourself. again, its one of those where you will just have to read it, and then afterwards, you can be more than happy to then say, hey fuck you, if it doesn't work, lol

hey man i really do want to send you my blessings, and i hope you, and any of you struggling with anxiety/depression take the advice here and check out this book. or simply youtube "Eckhart Tolle" or "Alan Watts" if you cant currently afford or find the book. it honestly helped change my entire life and relationship with myself.

https://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501732322&sr=8-1&keywords=eckhart+tolle+a+new+earth

User avatar
Sherbet Head
Status: Offline
Posts: 875
Joined: 26 Aug 2012
I know I'm not the most active member on here, but this subject is something that hits home for me. A few years back, we lost our dog of 13 years, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. That kind of loss is painful, and I'm sorry that you're going through that. It will get easier over time, and I do hope that you get to a better state of mind.

As far as anxiety is concerned, that's something that I know very well, and would be interested in discussing further on here. I didn't see the unedited post, but I do see in the replies bits about SSRIs. Not really sure what the focus was there, but to bounce off of what valotonin said, I myself had a bad experience with SSRIs. Of course, I came off of them cold turkey, which I know is dangerous and irresponsible, but it became increasingly difficult to get to the clinic to get my prescription. I also stopped seeing my therapist at around the same time. I only took them for roughly 3 months before coming off of them. The few months that followed were pure hell, filled with dissociation, which at the time I didn't understand that it was actually DPDR. I'm still not sure if that's what caused it, or if it was a bad experience I had with weed, but it's kind of stuck around ever since. I worry that coming off SSRIs the way I did caused some damage, but I don't know for sure. I never did see a doctor since as I'm still kind of housebound. I haven't really been quite myself since maybe two years ago. But I digress...

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 8553
Joined: 30 May 2007
Location: Dorset, UK
Alot I could add but waiting for the right time to chip in. All I'd say, following on from Bearhead's post is be extremely careful going cold turkey with SSRIs. I tried stepping off twice. Both times I thought I was doing well and had support in place so eventually stopped. Massive mistake. The crash caused massive problems for me and others I care about deeply. Everyone is different, so your experience might differ. But I know from bitter experience how powerful these things can be. I've now been advised to stay on them for life as the risk of relapse increases significantly once you've failed to ween off them.
Image

Slow down...

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 1810
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
I didn't see a lot of the replies in here before they were deleted, so I'll just say that Jonse, I know losing a dog can be harder than losing a family member, if you ever need to talk or feel the anxiety walls crushing in, send me a Facebook PM and I'll hop on Discord. I don't really look at Discord too often even if I'm signed in, but will if you tell me to pop on.

I'm with John 100% on SSRIs and I'll even take that statement further by telling you not to stop them cold turkey because there's never any success stories from anyone doing that, it's always a horror show. Taper off of them and if you can do it with the help of your PCP/psychiatrist/psychologist, that's even better.

Fireal420, I jotted that book down, thank you for the recommendation! I see a psychologist once every two weeks to keep myself in check while I'm still going through this concussion bullshit and she's wonderful, but the only thing that she's recommended is The Secret, which is a lovely book, but there's more out there..haha.
PLEASE LISTEN TO MY QUEER ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC: 2020k.Bandcamp |Twenty20k.com

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
Don't need to tell me about SSRIs. That wasn't my choice in the first place, thanks to Prozac marketing before the internet was really a thing and suburban upbringing.

Anyways, I'd rather not discuss here my situation in depth. Some of you have already contacted me elsewhere or through PM. This was not intended to be Jonse's Anxiety Standing Alone/Dead Pet Anxiety. No need for that thread.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

User avatar
Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Offline
Posts: 1741
Joined: 14 Feb 2009
A week of sleepless nights and unable to get myself out of beds. Terrified knowing I'm making mistakes, and making them in public. The fear that my own mistakes reflect on others in a way they didn't up til now. Unable to stablise my mood but having to just roll with it. The fear I'm alienating some well meaning friends with accidental obnoxiousness.

Hope this is a chemical induced dip. :/

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: Banned by request
Negamuse wrote:A week of sleepless nights and unable to get myself out of beds. Terrified knowing I'm making mistakes, and making them in public. The fear that my own mistakes reflect on others in a way they didn't up til now. Unable to stablise my mood but having to just roll with it. The fear I'm alienating some well meaning friends with accidental obnoxiousness.

Hope this is a chemical induced dip. :/



I hope you are okay. I think you suffer from your own negative self perceptions being projected into your perceptions of the minds of those around you. Something Humans constantly do, and almost always in vain, is to try and figure out the thought processes of those around them and how it relates to them personally but inevitably this means that if you feel negative about yourself, you will subsequently assume those around you are feeling negatively towards you. The truth is that they are most likely too riddled with their own anxieties as to how you are perceiving them to analyze you from a 'do I even like this person' perspective. They are probably grateful for your friendship.

Are you currently on any prescription or non-prescription medication? *puts on spectacles*

User avatar
Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Offline
Posts: 1741
Joined: 14 Feb 2009
Cheers, Val. I am on some prescription drugs, and I'm actually coming up on the end of the run I'm on, I get refreshed in a couple of weeks, so maybe it's throwing me out of whack. And yes, very in my own head at the moment and putting way too much time into second guessing myself.

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
Best of luck to you, Nega.

I would contest that all dips and slumps are chemical induced. It's just hard to infer if an additional chemical is interfering.

I would say that you're just going through the initial anxiety that must accompany making the choice to acknowledge who you really are instead of hiding behind a mask forever.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

User avatar
Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Offline
Posts: 1741
Joined: 14 Feb 2009
Yeah. Without going too far into that choice (that's a story for another thread, really) it may well be. I was medicated for anxiety/depression for about 20 years and those imbalances don't just go away. Then one day I counted how long had gone past and realised how much of my life that accounted for, so I weaned myself off the meds, and it's been a tightrope since then. I did have it pretty well down, but it doesn't take much of a breeze to make me wobble, I think, and recent stuff is a bit of a breeze, lets say.

User avatar
Happy Cycler
Status: Offline
Posts: 3418
Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Location: BPR. OG
I'm curious as to what meds one might take for roughly two decades and wean off from so easily life can be equated to a tightrope, as opposed to...let's say, a long series of paperclips one must try to walk down,

You don't have to answer that though.
Okay...now...wait for fog machine.

Next

Return to The Playground

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests