Well after another huge bout of drunk-every-night that lasted several weeks, I'm finally trying to sober again. Today is day 3.
But alcohol aside, I have to gripe about pot for a while. It used to be a lot of fun, and now it's not nearly as much (I still like it when the situation is -just right- but most times it's just aggravating to me to be high). But now the main thing that bothers me is seeing OTHER people stoned.
I'll be hanging with my friends, and they'll all be wanting to get high before we go to this restaurant right? And I'm like oh great, they're gonna turn all slow and distant and not-here - which sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, it depends. So they start packing a bowl and to them it's like the only important thing in the world at the moment, or that's how it looks from where I'm sitting. I can't get an answer out of anyone when I'm trying to do something, even if it's help them with their computer somehow or another. So they pack the bowl and pack the bowl and finally it's done, then they have to see who gets greens, and finally they start passing the thing around. And everyone looks so zoned out and .... I don't know, sad, not like "god how pathetic" sad but maybe a milder form of that. They slow down and get that zombified look and cough and cough and cough and cough. This goes on for 10 or 15 minutes, then they pack a bong. God.
I'm starting to realize how irritating it is for people who don't smoke to have stoner friends. It's getting really really hard not to tell my friends, "You guys, it's starting to get really sad seeing you get stoned. It used to be fun, and I used to enjoy the whole ritual of us all passing a bowl around and enjoying stuff, but it seems like you're really reaching now, it feels like we should be trying to enjoy stuff just how it is without having to get high first. I feel totally disconnected from whatever you guys are enjoying when you're high, and to me it looks dumb and overrated, whatever you're feeling." I started to get this pervasive feeling back when I was smoking, it came on stronger and stronger for almost a year or so, where I'd get high and be out in a beautiful day and be like "Man, this is so beautiful, I can't believe I'm out here in this wonderful day, but man - I wish I could enjoy it this much without weed, I wish I could be this appreciative sober." And I don't know, maybe it's only me, but I started to think it was even better to try and be that way. Weed is just... it's a burden, it's a pain in my ass now.
another silo full / another dark dawn / bending the air / love is so small
returnal \ you've never left \ you've been here the whole time