Gender
Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:33 pm
Hey Twoism. I wanted to open a serious, honest discussion of gender on the board, because in general I respect the way you guys handle topics like this over and above other places on the internet.
Recently, I've had my perspective on gender roles vastly expanded, and I've had my eyes opened very drastically on my own gender identity. I mean very recently, like, this past 6 or 7 months. It's one of the things I've been "going through" that made me not want to talk much here lately, but I think I'm ready to say something about it.
I know Twoism has a lot of members with very progressive and embracing outlooks, and I know we have a few LGBT users from the other thread, but if I'm reading the atmosphere here accurately, most users seem to have fairly conventional outlooks on their gender (of course, please correct me if I'm wrong about that; I would love to be wrong about that). I've come to realize recently that my own gender identity is way weirder and more complicated than I thought it was, and I was wondering if anyone else here could relate?
So I'm not really talking about sexual orientation, so much, but the way you see your own gender. I used to not even know what to say to that question, because it seemed like a trick question. A couple years ago, I would have said "What do you mean, the way I see my gender? I look down and I see a penis. That answer your question?" But I've come to adopt a very different view. For one thing, I observe a huge distinction between sex (your biology) and gender (your personality).
With that distinction in mind, it occurred to me that I actually am at odds with ('shun' at the very worst, 'am uncomfortable with' at the very best) the overwhelming majority of male gender identities embraced by most people. Once it was proven to me that you can make your own identity, and you can alter your biology (to a degree) to reflect what's inside of you rather than fatalistically accepting what body you were given as determining who you are, I realized a lot of things about myself.
A few examples: I have never felt the word "man" describes me. At first, I thought this was just because I was chronically "young", but all the social connotations of the word "man", along with "manly" or "manliness", are things I don't relate to and don't consider part of who I am. "Boy" comes closer to describing who I am than "man", but even that is a bit confused. I remember before I went through puberty, and my skin was so light and fair and soft, and there were no coarse, ugly hairs all over it. When I was very young, I exhibited a number of androgynous features - I had enormous bright blue eyes, a big lippy smile, feathery hair, and an absolute lack of any kind of male machismo. My face, being a young child's face, could've been mistaken for a girl's face easily (and often was).
Recently I started to recall a number of my fondest memories growing up - of playing dress-up, and dressing up in a sunflower yellow summer dress, and a golden curly wig, and pretending I was a pretty girl all day long. And when my older sister would bring a group of her girlfriends over to the house, they would always let me hang out with them because they thought I was an adorable little boy, and they would teach me to act like a girl with them - make up, Valley Girl talk, dishing, flipping my hand (what-everrrrrrr). My friends, growing up, were mostly boys, but I always had a couple of extra-close friends, friends I felt safe with, who were girls - usually tomboys. I could be myself around them, because they didn't seem concerned with acting "girly" just as I liked feeling like I didn't have to act "manly" around them.
Over many years, that girly little boy got better and better at "playing the role" of being both biologically and socially a male. But I'm actually starting to see how many of the choices I've made in my young adult life have been, either incidentally or deliberately, moves that took me farther and farther away from being "socially male", at least in any kind of conventional sense. At the very least it can be said that I've been headed for the outer fringes of malehood. I deliberately steer clear of most of the really typical, mainstream ideas of manhood - as I'm sure many other Twoismers do as well; they're mostly repulsive and backwards. And as for my penis, let me just say that I "tolerate" it and would be quite happy without one. My jeans would fit better, at any rate. Suffice to say, if having one's penis and testicles removed were less painful and costly, I would do it. I may do it, actually. I have no particular fondness for my genitals. If anything, I find them to be an annoyance and an intrusion.
So, where is this leading? Am I transgendered; born with a body the opposite sex as my personality? Well, no, I don't think so actually. I think I'm certainly gender-queer, but I don't feel as though I was meant to be a girl. I think my gender identity is best expressed by harkening back to when I was a very young boy - I was unconcerned with my biology and I hadn't yet let it come to affect my view of who or "what" I was yet. I was very -free-. I was free to dress up as a girl and talk like a girl if I wanted, and girls welcomed me into their midst as "one of them", or at the very least, an ally. My body was delightfully androgynous, my features could be a boy's or a girl's, and I was a soft, light-skinned thing completely devoid of curly body hairs.
It's toward this kind of freedom that I find myself striving these days. I believe that I was born with the capacity to be a girl or a boy inside. I believe that I was born with a beautiful radiant personality with the full spectrum of humanity inside, male to female. I'm a human, right? So why should I feel like HALF of the entire human experience is cut off from me? The world is not "no boys allowed", nor is it "no girls allowed". I want access to both forts. I want dual citizenship. I want an international passport to cross any gender boundary whenever I please (after all, I couldn't visit most of my friends if I couldn't).
I haven't said much to Twoism, or, to be honest, MANY of the people I used to talk to as recently as a year ago. I've been kind of tunneling into this part of myself, and I just don't think most people understand what it's like to go through this. I think most people are pretty content with their gender identity; most people seem to require very few "tweaks" to their gender identity to get it from mainstream to what makes them happy. I think few people ever consider their genitals (I'm talking penis, testes, testosterone, the whole kit and kaboodle) and think "I'd be happier with out it. I wish I didn't have it." Which is fair. I'm not trying to condescend to people for not being as gender-queer as me. But my point is, sometimes I feel like I'm going through feelings that most of the world doesn't understand - not even the part of the world that tends to understand the OTHER bizarre bullcrap I go through, like drug experimentation and stuff.
I've been sharing and exploring these thoughts and feelings with a very small group of people - some of whom are transgendered, some of whom aren't - with whom I am very emotionally intimate and trusting. The good news is, I have -very- accepting friends in these people, who understand me when I explain myself this way. In October I have plans to shave my legs, dress up as a girl, do my hair up, do my makeup, and go out to a bar as a girl with one of my closest friends. I am -hugely- looking forward to this. I'm even getting both ears pierced so I can wear dangly earrings.
I've always known Twoism to offer thoughtful and understanding replies on a fairly regular basis to topics like this, so I'd like to open up for discussion what I've been talking about. Does anyone else feel as strongly opposed to traditional gender roles? Does anyone else feel that they, personally, have an especially odd gender? I find that most discussion on gender is very limited, narrow, and confining. It puts people like me in boxes. It says "What, so you don't think you're a man? No? So you're a woman? No? Well sorry but you've just exhausted your options." But I don't think that's true at all. I think there are a vast multitude of genders, waiting to be created. I'm a girlyboy. What are you?
Recently, I've had my perspective on gender roles vastly expanded, and I've had my eyes opened very drastically on my own gender identity. I mean very recently, like, this past 6 or 7 months. It's one of the things I've been "going through" that made me not want to talk much here lately, but I think I'm ready to say something about it.
I know Twoism has a lot of members with very progressive and embracing outlooks, and I know we have a few LGBT users from the other thread, but if I'm reading the atmosphere here accurately, most users seem to have fairly conventional outlooks on their gender (of course, please correct me if I'm wrong about that; I would love to be wrong about that). I've come to realize recently that my own gender identity is way weirder and more complicated than I thought it was, and I was wondering if anyone else here could relate?
So I'm not really talking about sexual orientation, so much, but the way you see your own gender. I used to not even know what to say to that question, because it seemed like a trick question. A couple years ago, I would have said "What do you mean, the way I see my gender? I look down and I see a penis. That answer your question?" But I've come to adopt a very different view. For one thing, I observe a huge distinction between sex (your biology) and gender (your personality).
With that distinction in mind, it occurred to me that I actually am at odds with ('shun' at the very worst, 'am uncomfortable with' at the very best) the overwhelming majority of male gender identities embraced by most people. Once it was proven to me that you can make your own identity, and you can alter your biology (to a degree) to reflect what's inside of you rather than fatalistically accepting what body you were given as determining who you are, I realized a lot of things about myself.
A few examples: I have never felt the word "man" describes me. At first, I thought this was just because I was chronically "young", but all the social connotations of the word "man", along with "manly" or "manliness", are things I don't relate to and don't consider part of who I am. "Boy" comes closer to describing who I am than "man", but even that is a bit confused. I remember before I went through puberty, and my skin was so light and fair and soft, and there were no coarse, ugly hairs all over it. When I was very young, I exhibited a number of androgynous features - I had enormous bright blue eyes, a big lippy smile, feathery hair, and an absolute lack of any kind of male machismo. My face, being a young child's face, could've been mistaken for a girl's face easily (and often was).
Recently I started to recall a number of my fondest memories growing up - of playing dress-up, and dressing up in a sunflower yellow summer dress, and a golden curly wig, and pretending I was a pretty girl all day long. And when my older sister would bring a group of her girlfriends over to the house, they would always let me hang out with them because they thought I was an adorable little boy, and they would teach me to act like a girl with them - make up, Valley Girl talk, dishing, flipping my hand (what-everrrrrrr). My friends, growing up, were mostly boys, but I always had a couple of extra-close friends, friends I felt safe with, who were girls - usually tomboys. I could be myself around them, because they didn't seem concerned with acting "girly" just as I liked feeling like I didn't have to act "manly" around them.
Over many years, that girly little boy got better and better at "playing the role" of being both biologically and socially a male. But I'm actually starting to see how many of the choices I've made in my young adult life have been, either incidentally or deliberately, moves that took me farther and farther away from being "socially male", at least in any kind of conventional sense. At the very least it can be said that I've been headed for the outer fringes of malehood. I deliberately steer clear of most of the really typical, mainstream ideas of manhood - as I'm sure many other Twoismers do as well; they're mostly repulsive and backwards. And as for my penis, let me just say that I "tolerate" it and would be quite happy without one. My jeans would fit better, at any rate. Suffice to say, if having one's penis and testicles removed were less painful and costly, I would do it. I may do it, actually. I have no particular fondness for my genitals. If anything, I find them to be an annoyance and an intrusion.
So, where is this leading? Am I transgendered; born with a body the opposite sex as my personality? Well, no, I don't think so actually. I think I'm certainly gender-queer, but I don't feel as though I was meant to be a girl. I think my gender identity is best expressed by harkening back to when I was a very young boy - I was unconcerned with my biology and I hadn't yet let it come to affect my view of who or "what" I was yet. I was very -free-. I was free to dress up as a girl and talk like a girl if I wanted, and girls welcomed me into their midst as "one of them", or at the very least, an ally. My body was delightfully androgynous, my features could be a boy's or a girl's, and I was a soft, light-skinned thing completely devoid of curly body hairs.
It's toward this kind of freedom that I find myself striving these days. I believe that I was born with the capacity to be a girl or a boy inside. I believe that I was born with a beautiful radiant personality with the full spectrum of humanity inside, male to female. I'm a human, right? So why should I feel like HALF of the entire human experience is cut off from me? The world is not "no boys allowed", nor is it "no girls allowed". I want access to both forts. I want dual citizenship. I want an international passport to cross any gender boundary whenever I please (after all, I couldn't visit most of my friends if I couldn't).
I haven't said much to Twoism, or, to be honest, MANY of the people I used to talk to as recently as a year ago. I've been kind of tunneling into this part of myself, and I just don't think most people understand what it's like to go through this. I think most people are pretty content with their gender identity; most people seem to require very few "tweaks" to their gender identity to get it from mainstream to what makes them happy. I think few people ever consider their genitals (I'm talking penis, testes, testosterone, the whole kit and kaboodle) and think "I'd be happier with out it. I wish I didn't have it." Which is fair. I'm not trying to condescend to people for not being as gender-queer as me. But my point is, sometimes I feel like I'm going through feelings that most of the world doesn't understand - not even the part of the world that tends to understand the OTHER bizarre bullcrap I go through, like drug experimentation and stuff.
I've been sharing and exploring these thoughts and feelings with a very small group of people - some of whom are transgendered, some of whom aren't - with whom I am very emotionally intimate and trusting. The good news is, I have -very- accepting friends in these people, who understand me when I explain myself this way. In October I have plans to shave my legs, dress up as a girl, do my hair up, do my makeup, and go out to a bar as a girl with one of my closest friends. I am -hugely- looking forward to this. I'm even getting both ears pierced so I can wear dangly earrings.
I've always known Twoism to offer thoughtful and understanding replies on a fairly regular basis to topics like this, so I'd like to open up for discussion what I've been talking about. Does anyone else feel as strongly opposed to traditional gender roles? Does anyone else feel that they, personally, have an especially odd gender? I find that most discussion on gender is very limited, narrow, and confining. It puts people like me in boxes. It says "What, so you don't think you're a man? No? So you're a woman? No? Well sorry but you've just exhausted your options." But I don't think that's true at all. I think there are a vast multitude of genders, waiting to be created. I'm a girlyboy. What are you?
Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:30 pm
I think one of the boarders on ATPR said it best as something like: "Gender isn't a drop down list; It's a spectrum."
Personally, I identify as 'straight male' but there've been instances of 'ohh he's cute' when seeing certain guys [most guys I kind of shudder and get repulsed at the notion of me-sleeping-with-them; it's not a revulsion towards the idea of sleeping with another guy, just revulsion towards them being exactly what I don't want in a partner. This also happens with many girls].
I think the best way to define your sexuality is on an individual basis with each person, whether a partner or not. I have male friends I can joke around with, and male friends I can't, I have female friends I feel I can't talk about stuff like this with, and female friends where there's no taboos. It depends what you're comfortable with.
Also maybe look into button-fly jeans. They've always been really comfy for me, and probably cheaper than an operation to get your body modified.
Personally, I identify as 'straight male' but there've been instances of 'ohh he's cute' when seeing certain guys [most guys I kind of shudder and get repulsed at the notion of me-sleeping-with-them; it's not a revulsion towards the idea of sleeping with another guy, just revulsion towards them being exactly what I don't want in a partner. This also happens with many girls].
I think the best way to define your sexuality is on an individual basis with each person, whether a partner or not. I have male friends I can joke around with, and male friends I can't, I have female friends I feel I can't talk about stuff like this with, and female friends where there's no taboos. It depends what you're comfortable with.
Also maybe look into button-fly jeans. They've always been really comfy for me, and probably cheaper than an operation to get your body modified.
Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:43 pm
Wow. Probably wouldn't have expected someone like you to feel that way but obviously, you have my respect. Nothing wrong with it.
As for me, I think I'm a person. I think the chemical makeup of my chromosomes that indicated myself being a "male" is totally irrelevant to who I am as a person and I think about it so very little during my day.
I know I'm attracted to girls, but that's about as far as "gender identity" for myself goes.
Good luck with finding what makes you happy.
Oh yeah, and if I could offer just one word of advice, don't go cutting off your dick too soon. You may/may not regret it some day, and I'm not saying you will, in fact considering you're not a child I'd probably say you're at a level where that won't change. Still, it's not a very reversible procedure so until you're ABSOLUTELY SURE I'd invest in something else.
As for me, I think I'm a person. I think the chemical makeup of my chromosomes that indicated myself being a "male" is totally irrelevant to who I am as a person and I think about it so very little during my day.
I know I'm attracted to girls, but that's about as far as "gender identity" for myself goes.
Good luck with finding what makes you happy.
Oh yeah, and if I could offer just one word of advice, don't go cutting off your dick too soon. You may/may not regret it some day, and I'm not saying you will, in fact considering you're not a child I'd probably say you're at a level where that won't change. Still, it's not a very reversible procedure so until you're ABSOLUTELY SURE I'd invest in something else.
Last edited by Jonse on Thu Aug 25, 2011 6:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:52 pm
It's part evolution and part social acceptance that drives some of those perceptions that we have about how we are and who we are, took me the longest time to embrace some of the things that were hiding within me and yet came from nothing that is related to the way I grew up.
Essentially it shows that I was brought up by a single mother, I am a great listener and thoughtful if you ask the woman I interact with, on the other side I cannot hide that I am embracing a more BDSM type of lifestyle, and that would seem to be at odds, at least in some people's view, with the whole notion of gender, respect and outlook on things, after all, how can I be a dominant if I also am compassionate to women in more ways than more "vanilla" men are?
Perhaps one is the corollary of the other, I never quite found the reason, the ignition point or source, all I know is that it's not a compulsion or a deviance, it's truly part of the fabric of who I am and how it continues to evolve.
Interesting questions and I would say embrace all of what you are, but do so in a way where you have support around you, you don't want this turning into a less than exciting experience at first.
Essentially it shows that I was brought up by a single mother, I am a great listener and thoughtful if you ask the woman I interact with, on the other side I cannot hide that I am embracing a more BDSM type of lifestyle, and that would seem to be at odds, at least in some people's view, with the whole notion of gender, respect and outlook on things, after all, how can I be a dominant if I also am compassionate to women in more ways than more "vanilla" men are?
Perhaps one is the corollary of the other, I never quite found the reason, the ignition point or source, all I know is that it's not a compulsion or a deviance, it's truly part of the fabric of who I am and how it continues to evolve.
Interesting questions and I would say embrace all of what you are, but do so in a way where you have support around you, you don't want this turning into a less than exciting experience at first.
Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:35 pm
Good on you, man. The world would be a better place if people stopped worrying about doing what they want to do because of how it effects their "masculinity" or "femininity".
Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:43 pm
For your health
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEEwCJcgTmY
Seriously though, don't worry about it. Some will accept. Some won't. That's life. Do what you love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEEwCJcgTmY
Seriously though, don't worry about it. Some will accept. Some won't. That's life. Do what you love.
Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:53 pm
If it's not too intrusive and you don't mind me asking Cole, is there any sexual side of this whatsoever? Like, do you feel bisexual/gay or is this just an image thing? From what you suggested it sounds like you probably feel asexual but just don't see yourself with a male figure. I don't know. Just wondering.
Fri Aug 26, 2011 5:28 am
mechanismj wrote:For your health
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEEwCJcgTmY
Seriously though, don't worry about it. Some will accept. Some won't. That's life. Do what you love.
Oh Dr. Brule, you make life so much easier.
Rodheh wrote:If it's not too intrusive and you don't mind me asking Cole, is there any sexual side of this whatsoever? Like, do you feel bisexual/gay or is this just an image thing? From what you suggested it sounds like you probably feel asexual but just don't see yourself with a male figure. I don't know. Just wondering.
I don't mind you asking at all, I'm the one who opened up the subject for discussion so I'd be kind of an asshole if I turned it on you and was like HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT
For the record, I am attracted to both guys and girls, although my mode of attraction is not your standard "i like that - i want to get my dick inside it" process. I more just appreciate people and things for being cute or sexy or beautiful as they are. I'm more interested in kissing than doing whatever else. I'd rather spoon than fork.
Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:45 pm
This is a fantastic discussion, Cole, and I'm at once impressed and also not extremely surprised (not because I knew anything, rather - because the way you write here it is so in keeping with the side of you I've come to know). The whole 'boy' / 'man' thing is something I relate to. I have had a transgender friend (out of touch in the last year, sadly) and also know how difficult and painful it can be.
These things are becoming more commonly discussed though, and with that comes great liberation, and also the usual fire and brimstone from the masses. I'm excited for you on this, cause no matter how it turns out - even if it doesn't work for you after you try - you're taking some very brave steps.
These things are becoming more commonly discussed though, and with that comes great liberation, and also the usual fire and brimstone from the masses. I'm excited for you on this, cause no matter how it turns out - even if it doesn't work for you after you try - you're taking some very brave steps.
Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:47 pm
Cryabetes wrote:Personally, I identify as 'straight male' but there've been instances of 'ohh he's cute' when seeing certain guys [most guys I kind of shudder and get repulsed at the notion of me-sleeping-with-them; it's not a revulsion towards the idea of sleeping with another guy, just revulsion towards them being exactly what I don't want in a partner. This also happens with many girls].
Had to quote this and say, this totally hits the nail on the head for me, except that I'm not straight
Sat Aug 27, 2011 9:21 pm
Sun Aug 28, 2011 5:28 am
I do understand where you're coming from, and I, personally, kinda feel the same way as Rodheh:
although i'm not even sure about the whole attraction thing, myself. Lately, I've felt so.. apathetic toward all things "sex".
I do believe that it's all really just state of mind and identity, not just about the body.
Still cannot more accurately describe my feelings than that first paragraph of Rodheh's that I quoted..
Good luck in your own path.
Rodheh wrote:As for me, I think I'm a person. I think the chemical makeup of my chromosomes that indicated myself being a "male" is totally irrelevant to who I am as a person and I think about it so very little during my day.
I know I'm attracted to girls, but that's about as far as "gender identity" for myself goes.
although i'm not even sure about the whole attraction thing, myself. Lately, I've felt so.. apathetic toward all things "sex".
I do believe that it's all really just state of mind and identity, not just about the body.
Still cannot more accurately describe my feelings than that first paragraph of Rodheh's that I quoted..
Good luck in your own path.
Sun Aug 28, 2011 5:58 am
I was just thinking about sexuality and gender today. always considered my gender irrelevant to who i really am, but i feel fine in my masculine body and for the sake of looks, i enjoy wearing masculine clothing. and i take full advantage of my penis.
i dont care what gender you choose to be turq, i know you'll still be a cool motherfucker.
i dont care what gender you choose to be turq, i know you'll still be a cool motherfucker.
Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:02 am
s7409651 wrote:This is a fantastic discussion, Cole, and I'm at once impressed and also not extremely surprised (not because I knew anything, rather - because the way you write here it is so in keeping with the side of you I've come to know). The whole 'boy' / 'man' thing is something I relate to. I have had a transgender friend (out of touch in the last year, sadly) and also know how difficult and painful it can be.
These things are becoming more commonly discussed though, and with that comes great liberation, and also the usual fire and brimstone from the masses. I'm excited for you on this, cause no matter how it turns out - even if it doesn't work for you after you try - you're taking some very brave steps.
I'm glad it's not too big of a surprise to hear me talking this way
It's reassuring to hear that it's in keeping with what people know about me.
I shaved some bodyparts in the shower the other day, and I am in love with how smooth and creamy my skin feels underneath all that hair.
I also went clothes-shopping with another gender queer friend of mine. i bought, and am now wearing, a gorgeous deep royal indigo summer skirt and complementary olive green shortsleeve scoop-neck top. I am beautiful.
Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:14 am
I think that makes a lot of good points, but I think that in the same breath, the artist/author tends to make the gender spectrum appear to be too narrow. For one thing, there is more to gender than trans people who have clear-cut female or male gender identities and are stuck in the opposite sex body from their gender. to exclude others is to reinforce the gender binary itself. For another thing, not all trans people are as strict about their language as the author is. One of my best friends, a trans girl, occasionally refers to her earlier life as "used to be a guy", because it's simpler to say, even though she never really was a guy. I think it's fine to fudge language around a little, what matters is if you really understand the psychology of what's going on or not. A person doesn't magically become insensitive and ignorant if they understand trans issues but refer to it in less-than-crystal-clear literal language.
Sun Aug 28, 2011 6:39 am
turquoise70 wrote:
I think that makes a lot of good points, but I think that in the same breath, the artist/author tends to make the gender spectrum appear to be too narrow. For one thing, there is more to gender than trans people who have clear-cut female or male gender identities and are stuck in the opposite sex body from their gender. to exclude others is to reinforce the gender binary itself. For another thing, not all trans people are as strict about their language as the author is. One of my best friends, a trans girl, occasionally refers to her earlier life as "used to be a guy", because it's simpler to say, even though she never really was a guy. I think it's fine to fudge language around a little, what matters is if you really understand the psychology of what's going on or not. A person doesn't magically become insensitive and ignorant if they understand trans issues but refer to it in less-than-crystal-clear literal language.
i agree.
comic came off as really pedantic
Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:30 am
Twoism-ist wrote:i agree.
comic came off as really pedantic
Well, the author is 17, so maybe that has something to do with it. I think he also refers to his own views, and I agree that it isn't all-encompassing.
Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:57 am
I shaved my legs! They are now smooth and creamy.
I also shaved my belly and my groin, so if my shirt lifts up I don't look like I have a small mammal trying to crawl out of my skirt.
I wore my girl clothes to the State Fair today. It felt -wonderful-. You have never felt the breeze til you've felt it passing through your flowing skirt, blowing it against your freshly shaven legs.
I also bought a really cute anklet!
ADVENTURES IN DESTROYING THE GENDER BINARY!
And then I drew this:
I also shaved my belly and my groin, so if my shirt lifts up I don't look like I have a small mammal trying to crawl out of my skirt.
I wore my girl clothes to the State Fair today. It felt -wonderful-. You have never felt the breeze til you've felt it passing through your flowing skirt, blowing it against your freshly shaven legs.
I also bought a really cute anklet!
ADVENTURES IN DESTROYING THE GENDER BINARY!
And then I drew this:
Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:08 am
Love the picture. I think a lot of people have this and it is a spectrum. I grew up in the 70's and for a time very much looked like a boy, I felt like a boy although I looked very girly until I was about 8 or so. Somewhere in the back of my head as a child I thought I would somehow grow up and become a boy. I was 4 or so when I thought that. I just wasn't attracted to girl stuff at all. There is even a picture of me in diapers and tee-shirt standing in my father's wingtips. My sister never put those on her, she wore my moms high heels. I hated high heels, I still do actually.
My sexuality didn't come into the picture until I was about 14. I never even thought I might be gay because when I had dreams (in about 50% of them I was male) & I was having sex with a girl, I was the right gender and if I was fantasizing about being a male and suddenly a male popped into my head well at least it was the right gender I was fantasizing about. So there were all kinds of ways to go into denial. Plus I had no idea what "normal" felt like, there is no way to measure such a thing when you only really have yourself as a frame of reference and you are young and inexperienced.
I really suffered with this as well as my sexual preference until I was about 23. I know many lesbians who wanted to be boys but only because they thought you had to be a boy to have a girlfriend. Once they figured out they could have a girlfriend regardless they let the boy thing go. This describes my current girlfriend perfectly in fact. But this wasn't true for me. Oddly I had some attraction to men too but not as a female. I don't like hooking up with men, but not because I don't find them attractive but because they are going to be straight and relate to me like a woman and that isn't sexy or interesting to me. I think if I were in a male body I'd more likely be bisexual than in a female body where I primarily behave as a lesbian. I fall in love with women but I can really relate to men sexually. And it felt like it took me a long time to pars these differences out.
Oddly it was my best friend who is a gay male who actually got me comfortable with my femaleness. He had no problem getting up in drag and I figured if he could wear a dress and makeup I could too. So I came to be able to get into my more feminine self as a form of drag and artifice and as a "queer" thing it seems fine because it is something I try on. It doesn't have to be me 24/7 if you follow what I saying. I got more comfortable with my body too. Genitals are merely tools. They bring and give pleasure and that is a nice thing. I do wish however trying out different genders were as easy as making love to different genders. It would be great if I could one day or week or for several years be in a male body and then switch when the fancy hit me. (by the way there is a scifi book like this called Steel Beach.. check it out, its kinda interesting how it addresses gender)
One of the things I absolutely adore about my girlfriend is that she loves the fact that I'm really feminine sometimes and other times I'm like a teenage boy. She is incredibly sensitive to the energetic switch in me and finds it really attractive. It isn't so much about what I'm wearing or how I'm behaving other than I'm just being me you know and I cover more territory in that way than some people I guess.
Having researched and watched a few specials on the biology of gender one of the things that fascinates me is how many children are actually born with a measure of both genitals. It isn't something we see much of because parents and doctors scramble to "correct" it with surgery. Sometimes this is necessary because a child has issues with eliminating urine, but often it is so there isn't any confusion over what the child may be. Frequently a decision is made for the child based on what appears to be the more functional of the organs without respect for the child's future predilections.
I saw this movie a few months ago "XXY"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995829/
I thought it was really good. It deals with the life of a teenager who has both functioning male and female organs. The family decided to leave "her" intact until she made a decision one way or another about what she would like to be. She is primarily being raised as a girl but the onset of puberty has brought about some real issues that she and they have to face not to mention how rife with confusion first sexual experiences can be anyway. Ultimately she comes to a decision that no decision has to be made and what the implications for that are. I think that alone is fantastic. I really feel Binary gender is a lie not only emotionally but physically as well.
Anyway I just wanted to comment that I've been there to a degree and that it took a while to get comfortable in my skin.
I think a lot of people have this and it is a spectrum. I grew up in the 70's and for a time very much looked like a boy, I felt like a boy although I looked very girly until I was about 8 or so. Somewhere in the back of my head as a child I thought I would somehow grow up and become a boy. I was 4 or so when I thought that. I just wasn't attracted to girl stuff at all. There is even a picture of me in diapers and tee-shirt standing in my father's wingtips. My sister never put those on her, she wore my moms high heels. I hated high heels, I still do actually.
My sexuality didn't come into the picture until I was about 14. I never even thought I might be gay because when I had dreams (in about 50% of them I was male) & I was having sex with a girl, I was the right gender and if I was fantasizing about being a male and suddenly a male popped into my head well at least it was the right gender I was fantasizing about. So there were all kinds of ways to go into denial. Plus I had no idea what "normal" felt like, there is no way to measure such a thing when you only really have yourself as a frame of reference and you are young and inexperienced.
I really suffered with this as well as my sexual preference until I was about 23. I know many lesbians who wanted to be boys but only because they thought you had to be a boy to have a girlfriend. Once they figured out they could have a girlfriend regardless they let the boy thing go. This describes my current girlfriend perfectly in fact. But this wasn't true for me. Oddly I had some attraction to men too but not as a female. I don't like hooking up with men, but not because I don't find them attractive but because they are going to be straight and relate to me like a woman and that isn't sexy or interesting to me. I think if I were in a male body I'd more likely be bisexual than in a female body where I primarily behave as a lesbian. I fall in love with women but I can really relate to men sexually. And it felt like it took me a long time to pars these differences out.
Oddly it was my best friend who is a gay male who actually got me comfortable with my femaleness. He had no problem getting up in drag and I figured if he could wear a dress and makeup I could too. So I came to be able to get into my more feminine self as a form of drag and artifice and as a "queer" thing it seems fine because it is something I try on. It doesn't have to be me 24/7 if you follow what I saying. I got more comfortable with my body too. Genitals are merely tools. They bring and give pleasure and that is a nice thing. I do wish however trying out different genders were as easy as making love to different genders. It would be great if I could one day or week or for several years be in a male body and then switch when the fancy hit me. (by the way there is a scifi book like this called Steel Beach.. check it out, its kinda interesting how it addresses gender)
One of the things I absolutely adore about my girlfriend is that she loves the fact that I'm really feminine sometimes and other times I'm like a teenage boy. She is incredibly sensitive to the energetic switch in me and finds it really attractive. It isn't so much about what I'm wearing or how I'm behaving other than I'm just being me you know and I cover more territory in that way than some people I guess.
Having researched and watched a few specials on the biology of gender one of the things that fascinates me is how many children are actually born with a measure of both genitals. It isn't something we see much of because parents and doctors scramble to "correct" it with surgery. Sometimes this is necessary because a child has issues with eliminating urine, but often it is so there isn't any confusion over what the child may be. Frequently a decision is made for the child based on what appears to be the more functional of the organs without respect for the child's future predilections.
I saw this movie a few months ago "XXY"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995829/
I thought it was really good. It deals with the life of a teenager who has both functioning male and female organs. The family decided to leave "her" intact until she made a decision one way or another about what she would like to be. She is primarily being raised as a girl but the onset of puberty has brought about some real issues that she and they have to face not to mention how rife with confusion first sexual experiences can be anyway. Ultimately she comes to a decision that no decision has to be made and what the implications for that are. I think that alone is fantastic. I really feel Binary gender is a lie not only emotionally but physically as well.
Anyway I just wanted to comment that I've been there to a degree and that it took a while to get comfortable in my skin.
Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:25 am
Wow.
You know, I've had some issues with cross dressing individuals in the past where I live here in Phoenix. Although I consider myself a progressive and tolerant person, when I see a little gay dude wearing nothing but a thong that barely covers his dick, a pendant with phallic-esque shapes and ear rings with little metal penis shapes hanging from them, as well as the words "I'M A FAGGOT AND I LOVE IT!" spray painted on his chest, it makes me want to punch a baby. In fact, I get weirded out when guys where little short shorts/skirts.
However, what you're wearing in those photos is ENTIRELY acceptable. You look good. It's great that you were able to find something to wear that makes you feel happy, without grossing out people who aren't used to visually seeing gender binaries be broken.
Also, I guess it was just me, but...I was completely unaware that apparently shaving some/all parts of your body was somehow a "queer" or "gender binary breaking" thing to do. I've always found pubic/body/facial hair to be quite disgusting and I usually take care of it as soon as possible, no orientation/gender connotations in my mind. Nobody's ever given me shit for it either. Weird.
Anyways, I think I've seen that character in the drawing somewhere but I can't quite recall where...
You know, I've had some issues with cross dressing individuals in the past where I live here in Phoenix. Although I consider myself a progressive and tolerant person, when I see a little gay dude wearing nothing but a thong that barely covers his dick, a pendant with phallic-esque shapes and ear rings with little metal penis shapes hanging from them, as well as the words "I'M A FAGGOT AND I LOVE IT!" spray painted on his chest, it makes me want to punch a baby. In fact, I get weirded out when guys where little short shorts/skirts.
However, what you're wearing in those photos is ENTIRELY acceptable. You look good. It's great that you were able to find something to wear that makes you feel happy, without grossing out people who aren't used to visually seeing gender binaries be broken.
Also, I guess it was just me, but...I was completely unaware that apparently shaving some/all parts of your body was somehow a "queer" or "gender binary breaking" thing to do. I've always found pubic/body/facial hair to be quite disgusting and I usually take care of it as soon as possible, no orientation/gender connotations in my mind. Nobody's ever given me shit for it either. Weird.
Anyways, I think I've seen that character in the drawing somewhere but I can't quite recall where...