I was doing fine all pandemic until I read the following news articles all released in the same day:U.S. hits highest single day of new coronavirus cases at 36,358, breaking April recordFauci says White House told NIH to cancel funding for bat virus studyContext, for this one: The White House directed the National Institutes of Health to cancel funding for a project studying how coronaviruses spread from bats to people, the government's top infectious disease expert said Tuesday.Trump Administration Moving To Close Federally Funded COVID Testing Sites
At this point, I'm on the brink of a panic attack.
The way the United States is handling this pandemic is completely awful and the amount of citizens denying the need for any sort of precaution is terrifying.
In my personal life, I'm fine, but I am high risk by proxy as my boyfriend has Crohn's Disease and while his condition is currently in remission, having Crohn's and taking the medications he is prescribed makes it an instant trip to the emergency room if he comes down with Coronavirus, and a lot of me talking to whatever higher being will listen, if one exists, to have things go okay. It's a terrifying situation to think about.
I've been managing fine because our country basically shut down from March-June. We anxiously grocery shopped once a month, went outside on walks to get some fresh air, traveled once to visit immediate family when it felt safe to do so, and otherwise just stayed home and worked on projects or binge-watched TV shows. But, now the country is "open." Our political administration is miserably failing us and we have citizens who are not wearing masks, not taking any precautions whatsoever, and trying to get along with life as if nothing much has changed.
My Mother asked me if my boyfriend was "going to live in fear for the rest of his life," because he chose to stay home instead of coming to a Father's Day celebration that involved (less than 10) extended family in close proximity to each other, while my aunt chimed in "well, I have medical problems too. I'm here," and despite having a good time otherwise, those quotes completely soured the day for me and I wanted to leave right then and there.
A friend is having a baby shower and inviting over sixty people.
Two separate couples are having small, less than 10-15 people wedding receptions that I am involved in the wedding parties for, and while they are not on my shit list for it since they're tiny gatherings, but my jaw's even clenched a few times about attending those gatherings.
One of those couples moved a 250+ guest list wedding into mid-2021 in hopes things will have calmed down by then, but are we really holding our breath for that short of a timeline? Regardless, I caught wind that a friend of a friend is going forward with her
wedding that I was thankfully not invited to, and its guest list is huge.
One of the friends getting married is also having a very small 30th birthday party this weekend. Originally, I was completely fine to be a part of it because I assumed it would be 4-5 people, but has allegedly turned into 15-17 people. This is still not something I am completely against and cannot come until the tail end of it anyhow, but again, like the weddings, my jaw feels tight over it.
Weddings, turning 30, babies, Father's Day...I get it. They're life events and as long as they're cautiously handled, I will anxiously show face. But, there's such a large part of my morality that wants to scream "Can't you celebrate 31? Can't you move the ceremonies? Can't you have your friends and family mail you diapers? Can't you at least add an asterisk not obligating anyone to attend these things so there's not a big guilt sign hanging over the heads of your loved ones?"
I am not high risk, but I am
in an extremely
high-risk household. Everyone will pretend to be completely understanding of this until it's time for them to try and throw a party for themselves.
I made a sarcastic comment on my Facebook page asking who was throwing any large parties and instantly got a text message from someone who said: “It’s really awkward that you sarcastically asked where the large parties were going to be when [redacted] is having a party you're invited to.” I mean..if the shoe fits??
In my personal life and as a citizen of a country where the pandemic is being handled with no care at all, I'm made out to feel like the overly-cautious, crazy person in the end. This pandemic has really widened my eyes to where I stand with a lot of people in my life.
I couldn't sleep & needed to get that out somewhere...thank you.