Depression

[Vexille]

Man, the other day I remember how depressed I was over the summer. It was fucking horrible, just every day waking up and feeling like absolute shit.

I feel a lot better now. A lot of things have gotten better, now I have reasons to get up in the morning.

This sounds like a prescription drug commercial without the brand-name dropping every other word. Hope my cynical humor doesn't upset you btw.

words

It sucks but that's just how most people naturally are, looking out for themselves first before others. You can't really blame them either because the world is harsh it's how they have learned to survive. Some day I'm sure you'll jump onto a mario cloud that can support your weight for a long time, it seems like you're still young so no rush. As for the work/money part, well...when you find a job that is physically or intellectually challenging it won't feel like working. At the end of the day you feel good about what you got done.

[turquoise70]

vexille you seem kind of impatient with depression. we all deal with it in different ways and we can't all adopt an "eh, fuck it" attitude because it's not in our nature and our personality. i just wonder are you trying to be helpful or what? so far it looks like a few twoismers are getting some small measure of support out of this topic but i get this "i find this all amusing" vibe from your posts, am i reading it wrong? if i'm right, well... that's not very helpful man. i'm not saying you're wrong about the world being a harsh place, but the solution for most of us is not adopting a "life sucks and that's the way the cookie crumbles so go fuck yourself" attitude towards it. i'm also not trying to start an altercation with you either, i guess i just don't get what your motivation is in posting what you do in this topic?

[Vexille]

No hostility intended, I'm just bad at expressing myself in just text. I used to have a lot of the same thoughts in my late teens and early 20s. It really hurt my social and academic life by destroying my motivation. Basically I did the bare minimum to get by. Showing up to classes only for exams, not talking to anybody, getting mad when people "bothered" me, etc. So it feels like I can relate. And I guess you're right everybody needs different solutions. I definitely took a "screw it" attitude when getting myself together because I realized nobody else was going to do it for me. Just wish it didn't take me so long to do it because I wasted a lot of my early 20s sitting in my room hoping for the best.

[Liquidlitebrite]

just get so high you cant feel feelings... it's what i do

[turquoise70]

No hostility intended, I'm just bad at expressing myself in just text. I used to have a lot of the same thoughts in my late teens and early 20s. It really hurt my social and academic life by destroying my motivation. Basically I did the bare minimum to get by. Showing up to classes only for exams, not talking to anybody, getting mad when people "bothered" me, etc. So it feels like I can relate. And I guess you're right everybody needs different solutions. I definitely took a "screw it" attitude when getting myself together because I realized nobody else was going to do it for me. Just wish it didn't take me so long to do it because I wasted a lot of my early 20s sitting in my room hoping for the best.

Ahh, I hear you man. And it seems the way, that some people really benefit from kind of a "kick in the butt" to get them out of their funk, while others tend to just recoil from that and get worse, I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are. Now that I think about it, a lot of taking charge for yourself does indeed consist of saying fuck it to this or that - fuck it to so-and-so's expectations, or to some such thing that doesn't do you any good. It can be a really uplifting thing to discharge the bullshit.

[BrandNewRetro]

I'm not depressed as such, but why at the moment do I feel like women simply want to toy with my emotions in order to make themselves feel better? Doing my head in!

[jakestott]

Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

[747Music]

Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

Good to see you've come out of it. Glad the tough times are over for you at least for a while. Here's hoping for your good health.

[jakestott]

Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

Good to see you've come out of it. Glad the tough times are over for you at least for a while. Here's hoping for your good health.

Thanks fella, means a lot to me

[BrandNewRetro]

Man, i came out of my anxiety disorder alive. For about 2 weeks now i've been feeling a lot better about myself. My mum actually thought i was depressed a bit too, as i went through periods of crying for no apparant reason. She also thought the cause of my anxiety in the first place may have been because of doing the same shit day in day out, no hope with finding a job etc. I think she could be right, although the main cause was from worrying about my health (fear of dying at a young age - if i got a chest pain, i'd be thinking ''shit... what's wrong with me?!'' - trapped wind ''ibs?''- constant headaches/dull pains/sore scalp - ''brain tumour?''). Fuck me it was a scary thing to go through, i felt like complete shit the night after seeing Aphex Twin in Manchester. My body felt like jelly, i had no apetite at all (i lost 4 pounds from not eating) my heart was pounding, i couldn't sleep very well (I would drift off to sleep, and 10 seconds later i'd wake up again. I basically felt very drowsy at night).

I guess now i've gone through all that, it will make me a stronger person. I hope i don't experience anything like that again. But if i do, i'll know it will pass in time.

Good to see you've come out of it. Glad the tough times are over for you at least for a while. Here's hoping for your good health.

Indeed! Glad you're over it dude, didn't sound like a pleasant experience at all

[Pantheon]

No hostility intended, I'm just bad at expressing myself in just text. I used to have a lot of the same thoughts in my late teens and early 20s. It really hurt my social and academic life by destroying my motivation. Basically I did the bare minimum to get by. Showing up to classes only for exams, not talking to anybody, getting mad when people "bothered" me, etc. So it feels like I can relate. And I guess you're right everybody needs different solutions. I definitely took a "screw it" attitude when getting myself together because I realized nobody else was going to do it for me. Just wish it didn't take me so long to do it because I wasted a lot of my early 20s sitting in my room hoping for the best.

Holy shit, that sums up excactly what im going through right now. Its good to hear that someone has made it through to the other side of this.

[Tekmosis]

No hostility intended, I'm just bad at expressing myself in just text. I used to have a lot of the same thoughts in my late teens and early 20s. It really hurt my social and academic life by destroying my motivation. Basically I did the bare minimum to get by. Showing up to classes only for exams, not talking to anybody, getting mad when people "bothered" me, etc. So it feels like I can relate. And I guess you're right everybody needs different solutions. I definitely took a "screw it" attitude when getting myself together because I realized nobody else was going to do it for me. Just wish it didn't take me so long to do it because I wasted a lot of my early 20s sitting in my room hoping for the best.

Holy shit, that sums up excactly what im going through right now. Its good to hear that someone has made it through to the other side of this.

This is random, but are you Skywave_Music? On your sig? that you? It's amazing.

[Pantheon]

No hostility intended, I'm just bad at expressing myself in just text. I used to have a lot of the same thoughts in my late teens and early 20s. It really hurt my social and academic life by destroying my motivation. Basically I did the bare minimum to get by. Showing up to classes only for exams, not talking to anybody, getting mad when people "bothered" me, etc. So it feels like I can relate. And I guess you're right everybody needs different solutions. I definitely took a "screw it" attitude when getting myself together because I realized nobody else was going to do it for me. Just wish it didn't take me so long to do it because I wasted a lot of my early 20s sitting in my room hoping for the best.

Holy shit, that sums up excactly what im going through right now. Its good to hear that someone has made it through to the other side of this.

This is random, but are you Skywave_Music? On your sig? that you? It's amazing.

Thanks, yes I am skywave_music. Thanks Tekmosis

[ninetyoneplus]

Woo. I was mildly depressed last winter/spring, but I am over it now. I remember once coming home from a friends house, and taking a shower and thinking about committing suicide seriously for the first time, and I scared the shit out of myself because I thought I might actually have the balls to do it. I also remember doing my physics homework one night and having tears falling on the page for no reason. I am over that now.

I'm not sure how I did it exactly, but I know some things helped. For one, I got a therapist, but he more guided me towards these things more than anything else. One thing that really helped was learning and giving myself a narrative of my life. I read Joseph Campbell, Jung, Robert Bly, etc. and they all gave me wonderful ways to frame my current situation in grand, mythical terms and learn to love my place in society as a young man, and empower myself. Second, take some time off and challenge yourself. I would highly recommend NOLS, which basically takes you out in nature for a month and kicks your ass, but makes you believe in yourself more than anything. Also, you will make awesome friends. I did it for a month in Alaska and when I came back I felt more confident and ready to rock than ever before, and I still feel that way more consistently than I did before the trip.



Small things:
+1: Excercise - run! run! run!
+1: iPod + nature walk
+1: Diet. It may not help but if you think it will, it will.
+1: Friends

This is an old posting off the rants and rave section of craigslist, and I don't disagree with a single point: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

[turquoise70]

This is an old posting off the rants and rave section of craigslist, and I don't disagree with a single point: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

a little-hard edged, but some very very wise advice in there. much respect to whoever originally wrote that.

i tend to take a bit of a more softer-edged stance on some things, my attitude is not quite as go-get-em, but i've seen the hidden benefits of a life lived from a more passive outlook and i've chosen it, and i stand by my choice happily.

[zeitgeist]

this is depressing.

[turquoise70]

this is depressing.

I have this theory that a large part of the incommunicable, unrecognized-but-deeply-felt, latent simmering mass psychosis present in the world today is caused directly by the unconscious realization by many humans that it's the year 2000 and nothing amazing has happened at all.

Right now I'm envisioning some old fucker hopping in here and delivering the old standard, "You don't know how amazing life is for you, life is totally amazing and you're spoiled first-world brats hardly worth the toilet paper you wipe your fat asses with" rant about how modern humans don't appreciate anything. Spare me. You can proselytize as self-righteously as you want but the louder you yell, the more obvious it is that you're compensating for the same subconscious anxiety as I am - Oh no, the world is actually really ordinary and most of it is sad and not enriching at all! Quick... manufacture some enthusiasm! Let's get excited about, uhhhh... space travel! YEAH! Give me a fucking break.

[Tekmosis]

this is depressing.

I have this theory that a large part of the incommunicable, unrecognized-but-deeply-felt, latent simmering mass psychosis present in the world today is caused directly by the unconscious realization by many humans that it's the year 2000 and nothing amazing has happened at all.

Right now I'm envisioning some old fucker hopping in here and delivering the old standard, "You don't know how amazing life is for you, life is totally amazing and you're spoiled first-world brats hardly worth the toilet paper you wipe your fat asses with" rant about how modern humans don't appreciate anything. Spare me. You can proselytize as self-righteously as you want but the louder you yell, the more obvious it is that you're compensating for the same subconscious anxiety as I am - Oh no, the world is actually really ordinary and most of it is sad and not enriching at all! Quick... manufacture some enthusiasm! Let's get excited about, uhhhh... space travel! YEAH! Give me a fucking break.

turquoise70 is by far the most intelligent/amusing twoism-er

[turquoise70]

No, not really, I'm just some gibbering idiot with a lot of negative things to say..

[dono]

Man oh man. I am feeling a little confined, trapped.

I am needed to take a day, and walk around the woods a little bit, remember what it's all about.

*sigh*