Depression

Random chat: movies, books, games, technology, etcetera.

Moderators: Mexicola, 2020k, Fredd-E, Aesthetics

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Oh I misread you saying 'boyfriend' as 'girlfriend' and didn't realise you weren't a guy. Sorry about calling you 'man' )-:

Telepath
Status: Offline
Posts: 9999
Joined: 19 Nov 2005
He could be a man with a taste for men, Valotonin :wink:

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Cupz wrote:He could be a man with a taste for men, Valotonin :wink:


I had considered that and realised I may have forced myself into a corner here :(

2020k, fellow human. I empathise with you regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. Concussions are evil.

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 1738
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Valotonin, I am a guy, haha. It's all good. I smacked my head off a freezer door, so it was via an idiot move here as well, but I'm so happy yours completely cleared up! That gives me a lot of hope & I'm sorry to hear about your partner's mother.

In the first couple weeks I was convinced I was going to die as well. Downright terrifying. In fact, I kept having thoughts questioning whether or not the afterlife was going to be good for me since I'm gay and thoughts like that that I would never otherwise have as a normal functioning person. I'm staying with my parents and my Mother talked me off going to the ER a few times late at night because she knew it's the concussion and I was convinced otherwise. All of that has since calmed down, though the anxiety still lingers. My neurologist explained to me that the brain uses a ton of resources to heal itself as well and that everything I'm going through is normal so it sounds like you and I had very similar concussion paths and advice.

Thank you so much for the empathy and the advice. It's difficult, but I'm trying to take rest as seriously as possible. I've endlessly Googled concussion support groups and read articles and had to tell myself to stop because they weren't helping. My doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and this thread have helped a lot though so thank you for letting me air all of this out. Hopefully I'm on the up and up soon....
BUY MY MUSIC AND SIGN ME: Twenty20k.com

747Music wrote:dont go up there!!! the music is down by the truck!
Forest_Opal wrote:Mexicolas a spooky person.
Josh wrote:Sometimes I would pay money for 1:46 of silence.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
2020k wrote:In the first couple weeks I was convinced I was going to die as well. Downright terrifying. In fact, I kept having thoughts questioning whether or not the afterlife was going to be good for me since I'm gay and thoughts like that that I would never otherwise have as a normal functioning person.


Yes that is a difficult phase to get through. If it has been more than a week, you know for a fact (and I mean a true FACT) that you are not going to die, doctors recognise this too. Any bleed on the brain including a slow one resulting from head injury will become very evident within seven days and after that period of time the only possibility is a concussion. I was told this but the way I was feeling still made it hard for me to accept that I wasn't dying. I argued with people before taking myself down to the emergency room against their will, only to be told I wasn't in any danger and it was just a recovery process whilst secretly not believing the doctor. It took a long time but I have been back to normal for the past two months now and infact I seem to feel clearer and calmer mentally than I did before I hit my head which is a weird one to figure out. I remember the part about questioning the afterlife the most, convinced I would soon be going there. At times like that you can remember childhood etc in scarily vivid detail to add to the feeling of having lived a short and wasted life. After all of the more physical symptoms go, the anxiety for me was the last one to remain and it took a little bit longer to get out of the habit of panicking about my health. It seriously all went away though, there isn't a trace left of it in my everyday life now. It happened at the end of march and it took until the end of july/ start of august to feel like I was a normal functioning human again. It really does happen despite feeling like your head is broken!

All the best and I hope you have the time to rest and quicken your recovery.

Telepath
Status: Offline
Posts: 9999
Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Also, here's Cupz's ticket to heaven: Be a good person, love your neighbour and be happy with little.

So now can we all stop being afraid of death?

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Cupz wrote:Also, here's Cupz's ticket to heaven: Be a good person, love your neighbour and be happy with little.

So now can we all stop being afraid of death?


When you reach 10k posts please release a Cupz bible.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
I just realised me telling you to write a bible was the 666th post on this thread... Satan wants you to do it, cupz.

Telepath
Status: Offline
Posts: 9999
Joined: 19 Nov 2005
That WAS the cupz bible, valotonin.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Cupz wrote:That WAS the cupz bible, valotonin.


Short and sweet. How many copies will you print?

Telepath
Status: Offline
Posts: 9999
Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Depends on how many people leave it in their cache.

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 1738
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
CUPZ FOR PRESIDENT.

Valotonin, I resonate with all of that and my neurologist told me that once this all goes away I'll feel a lot mentally calmer as well. It makes sense. It's not only a minor traumatic physical injury, but one that causes some emotional trauma as well. I'm a lot better at coping - the anxiety now stems from me just wanting to get better because I'm so symptomatic. If you take me out in public? I want to run. There's so much combating for your attention in a store and my symptoms can't handle it. It's mere minutes, sometimes less, before I'm asking whoever drove me somewhere for the keys so I can lock myself in the car and calm down.

The lights...The stocked shelves...the music...the people talking/walking...I went to a grocery store with my boyfriend and we were only in there for two things. We get in line and there's this cute old lady queued up, but she's putting things on the conveyor belt so slowly. I felt tense, but fine, until she gets her total and goes into her purse to get exact change. Tenser. Then, she says she wants to start another transaction. I started crying, grabbed the keys, went to the car, waited for my boyfriend.

I can't wait until all of this clears up so I can just laugh at it. It's ridiculous, really. I sit in a dark room all day like a bat, barely able to do one thing at a time, and old ladies at grocery stores make me burst into tears. Oh, brain! :lol: (HEAL PLEASE LOL)
BUY MY MUSIC AND SIGN ME: Twenty20k.com

747Music wrote:dont go up there!!! the music is down by the truck!
Forest_Opal wrote:Mexicolas a spooky person.
Josh wrote:Sometimes I would pay money for 1:46 of silence.

User avatar
Eagle Minded
Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Cupz wrote:Also, here's Cupz's ticket to heaven: Be a good person, love your neighbour and be happy with little.

So now can we all stop being afraid of death?

kinda hard when you don't believe in an afterlife

User avatar
Eagle Minded
Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Joined: 27 Sep 2007
2020k wrote:CUPZ FOR PRESIDENT.

Valotonin, I resonate with all of that and my neurologist told me that once this all goes away I'll feel a lot mentally calmer as well. It makes sense. It's not only a minor traumatic physical injury, but one that causes some emotional trauma as well. I'm a lot better at coping - the anxiety now stems from me just wanting to get better because I'm so symptomatic. If you take me out in public? I want to run. There's so much combating for your attention in a store and my symptoms can't handle it. It's mere minutes, sometimes less, before I'm asking whoever drove me somewhere for the keys so I can lock myself in the car and calm down.

The lights...The stocked shelves...the music...the people talking/walking...I went to a grocery store with my boyfriend and we were only in there for two things. We get in line and there's this cute old lady queued up, but she's putting things on the conveyor belt so slowly. I felt tense, but fine, until she gets her total and goes into her purse to get exact change. Tenser. Then, she says she wants to start another transaction. I started crying, grabbed the keys, went to the car, waited for my boyfriend.

I can't wait until all of this clears up so I can just laugh at it. It's ridiculous, really. I sit in a dark room all day like a bat, barely able to do one thing at a time, and old ladies at grocery stores make me burst into tears. Oh, brain! :lol: (HEAL PLEASE LOL)

it's a good job the light from your computer/device doesn't trigger your symptoms. i hope you get better soon, man. i had no idea concussions could suck that much

Telepath
Status: Offline
Posts: 9999
Joined: 19 Nov 2005
Echo the Sun wrote:kinda hard when you don't believe in an afterlife


With no afterlife there is even less reason to be afraid of death.

Dayvan Cowboy
Status: Banned !
Posts: 2242
Joined: 7 Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
2020k hang in there, you are through the worst of it but the mind repairing connections over the course of a few months isn't an easy process to go through!

Signs of the divine and an afterworld can only be hinted at in this reality. Things can have an uncanny synchronicity and events bordering on magic can happen, but to prove to humanity that such forces are undisputably real and that something exists beyond would be to ruin the point of existence. Existence is only meaningful with the feeling of uncertainty about an afterlife, to know for sure would be to devalue life. That is my comment on the subject above.

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 1738
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Echo, I had no idea they could suck this much either. I always assumed they just caused headaches and migraines. Nope. Those have been the least of my worries. The lowest brightness settings on my laptop and phone are life savers, but I still can only look for certain small periods of time and it has to be in an otherwise dimly lit area.

Valotonin, I'm hanging in there! Have some doctor's appointments tomorrow and am so enthusiastic to hear their reports.

As far as the afterlife talk is concerned, the uncanny synchronicity happens in my life far too often for me to just consider them to be coincidences, so I really lean on there being something after this life. (This is by no means a dig on anyone who thinks different as I, like everyone else, know nothing and I just question).

I also think its sad that something so benign as someone's sexuality would be reason for someone to think they'd have a bad afterlife. I really don't think someone's spirit has a sex so much as it is its own free entity, so there's not really a reason for sexual preference to play a role in what happens after life. I wish I could go back a few weeks to that scared-shitless version of myself and tell him that. But, now I know for the future, I suppose. Most things happen for a reason and to make us stronger or something like that, right?
BUY MY MUSIC AND SIGN ME: Twenty20k.com

747Music wrote:dont go up there!!! the music is down by the truck!
Forest_Opal wrote:Mexicolas a spooky person.
Josh wrote:Sometimes I would pay money for 1:46 of silence.

User avatar
Eagle Minded
Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Cupz wrote:
Echo the Sun wrote:kinda hard when you don't believe in an afterlife


With no afterlife there is even less reason to be afraid of death.

a lot of people say that, but it's not the case for me.

User avatar
Eagle Minded
Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Joined: 27 Sep 2007
2020k wrote:Echo, I had no idea they could suck this much either. I always assumed they just caused headaches and migraines. Nope. Those have been the least of my worries. The lowest brightness settings on my laptop and phone are life savers, but I still can only look for certain small periods of time and it has to be in an otherwise dimly lit area.

when you got injured, did it feel like just any other head injury or was it different?

User avatar
Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 1738
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Echo the Sun wrote:
2020k wrote:Echo, I had no idea they could suck this much either. I always assumed they just caused headaches and migraines. Nope. Those have been the least of my worries. The lowest brightness settings on my laptop and phone are life savers, but I still can only look for certain small periods of time and it has to be in an otherwise dimly lit area.

when you got injured, did it feel like just any other head injury or was it different?

I've never had any sort of head injury beyond occasional bad headaches, so I'm not sure how accurate of an answer I can give you to the question, but, when I hit my head my vision was knocked out for around three seconds. Everything went black & starry, then it came back and my head hurt where I hit but beyond that I was fine. I didn't even lose consciousness.

It wasn't until around two weeks later that I started getting any symptoms. I was at work, in my little cubicle, and all of the sudden this really heavy feeling came over me and hit me right in the chest and head. It felt like I was going to faint, so I waited out my shift, told a few good co-workers so they could keep an eye on me, and I was just convinced I was just having anxiety over work (I'd recently been promoted and was training and doing INSANELY well, showered with compliments, which made me more unsure of why my body was doing this), but it didn't go away when I clocked out so I drove myself to the emergency room, scared to death that it was heart related because I just kept feeling like I was falling (you know the feeling right before bed, in your chest), but also that I was going to faint. ER told me I was just "near fainting" and sent me home with an outrageous medical bill. Those types of symptoms kept up for a few more days and I tried to fight through them, however, I ended up having a panic attack on the highway and knew that something else was wrong. I wasn't able to visually track anything accurately. At all. It was so bad. Luckily, I commute during rush hour, so when I had the attack I was stopped in heavy traffic so I got smart and wound down all my windows in case something happened to me so that someone could help me if need be, then since traffic was moving slowly enough I fought my way through it...got home...freaked out...and the rest of the tale is in this thread.

I went to a concussion specialist and a chiropractor and they really helped me out. I'm meeting with a vision specialist sometime this week as well. It's a round table of doctors at this point, but they're all helping out so much and really trying to treat the brain fog and these vision issues. Everyone is still adamant I'll make a full recovery, it's just when............
BUY MY MUSIC AND SIGN ME: Twenty20k.com

747Music wrote:dont go up there!!! the music is down by the truck!
Forest_Opal wrote:Mexicolas a spooky person.
Josh wrote:Sometimes I would pay money for 1:46 of silence.

PreviousNext

Return to The Playground

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests