rodox_head wrote:When I say "cure for depression", I'm referring to the medical sense of the word. Like Magrathea described in his post earlier, it's something that isn't going away, at least not anytime soon.
I think of two major questions when regarding accepting who you are:
1. How well would this person you see in yourself actually be accepted by others, or any greater surroundings?
2a. How much does depression truly define you when it can sometimes be the only thing people see about you due to one's reserved and near-schizoid personality?
2b. How much do you actually even exist without the outside perception of yourself?
First of all, you are raising some very good and interesting questions! I will answer them from my own experience. And yes I misunderstood your comment specifically concerning the word "cure". From my own experience, it is not a direct cure if we talk about the medical condition itself disappearing (directly). It will be around yes, and it will leave you when it has done its work on you. I don't think you have much to say in that regard. However when your relationship with depression changes, it starts to go from this personal suffering that you endure, to this impersonal experience of depression. And specifically that is what is so beautiful about this, because to be free from the depression, doesn't mean you need to get rid of depression, you just need to find peace with it by seeing that it is ultimately a story about yourself. So even though the depression is still experienced and
uncomfortable as hell, it makes you suffer less and less when you slowly start seeing that its root is not personal. That is the lesson that is learnt if one can truly start listening to depression without preconceived labels and prejudices.
1. The basis of this question is rooted in having a self-image. It is exactly this self-image that is the reason for needing acceptance outside of oneself in the first place. When you start seeing that the image of oneself is not your real or true self, it is not a self-image anymore. It is just an image, just like the image on a tv screen is not personal to the screen. It is experienced by the screen, but it is not the screen itself. It stops being personal and therefore stops being a problem/obstacle. A self-image is how we see ourselves and how we assume others see us, which is false, because it is just a story of 'me' and has nothing to do with direct experience of that which is known, namely thoughts, feelings and perceptions. They are experienced by you, but they are not you or they do not define you. In other words, your identification is not depended on your experience.
When two trees are standing next to each other, and one tree is this magnificent tree with lots of branches and beautiful, colorful leaves, standing in a perfect spot in the sunlight, while the other tree is a very small tree without many colorful leaves , standing in the shade of the bigger tree, does the smaller tree label itself as inferior? Or the bigger tree label itself as superior compared to the smaller tree? Do trees have a self-image so they can compare themselves to the image of another tree? No they don't, they just are. Yet the human mind labels itself as this or that, and then proceeds to compare itself to other images with other labels on the spectrum of good vs bad, which is dualistic illusion and creates inner and outer conflict. This is the problem and creates all the suffering in individuals and in the world at large.
2a. Very good question! I feel I need to be very honest here, when I was in the state you described so perfectly here it totally defined 'me' as a person. It was a long and dreadful phase so to speak. I will not argue that. But looking back on that particular dark hole, I now see that even though I was experiencing all of it, I was already aware and awake on the surface of the experience and I now see in hindsight that I was never that person with a depression in the first place. Now I
do not mean to downplay depression of course, I feel I have to get that straight. But I only gained the realization that it was all just a story of a fictional person I believed myself to be, because I was fully dedicated to find the truth about myself and to free myself from the immense suffering that I was experiencing. Only then, in hindsight, I could reap the benefits and see that it was all an illusion. But I fully understand how hard it is when one is in the midst of a depression and it feels so hopeless and the dreadful feeling that you are totally stuck. All I know now is that the curiosity, courage and willingness to find the truth set me free in the end, and I know that everyone can do it when one wants to be truly free and is ready to give up the story of being a victim of external circumstances. Your true home of peace is waiting for you, you are sitting on a chest of gold and jewels, but don't realize it yet.
2b. I think I covered most of this in the answer to question 1, but I will try to answer this a bit more specifically. In absolute terms there is no outside version of yourself. The awareness that is aware of your most intimate feelings and thoughts, is the same awareness that is aware of all things you experience "outside" yourself. There is only one you, or we could better say, there is only one 'I'. That is the real truth and reality when we look close enough and really investigate into our own being. But of course there is also this individual that is experienced by this 'I'. You could look at it like this: There is only one 'I' which is eternal, limitless consciousness. It is aware of all experience, but is never stained by any experience, meaning no experience can leave a mark on this transparent Being. And because it is timeless, it has no beginning nor end. It just is. Now this consciousness is having a dream of a character, which is the individual you experience with a unique body and mind. This One Source of consciousness creates all kinds of dreams through all kinds of individuals and so creates the diversity of life as the world. So you can see this life, experienced as an individual, as a dream, but you are not really the character in the dream, not this limited body and mind, but the one who is dreaming it. When you falsely believe yourself to be the character in the dream, connection with true Being is lost and so this dreamed character now needs to find this seemingly lost peace and happiness in the world, because it is always looking to complete its story through time, thus never feeling complete. And because it believes to be a finite being, a body that is destined to die, it starts to fear the cessation of time (a.k.a. The Now) and ultimately death, which is another illusion. Yet all you every really experience is this Now. There is no time, it's just a dualistic concept. Even when we think about yesterday or tomorrow, we think about it now. And when yesterday/tomorrow was/will be experienced it was/will be experienced as Now.
I kind of got side-tracked there at the end I think but I was on a roll
I hope this could give people some insight. If you are more interested in these teachings, there are those who are much better and precise at explaining it than me. Look for non-duality on YouTube and you can be on your way. Peace!