Relationships

[BrandNewRetro]

Hey, was just curious as to whether you guys are in relationships, have been relationships or whatever? Just broke up with my girlfriend who I was in a 3 year relationship with and it hurts like hell, pretty much don't know what to do with myself. Any advice anyone can give?

[Guido]

I'm sorry to hear that man!

I broke up with someone I loved very much some years ago and until recently I could still feel the pain now and then. Just try to trust on the fact that time heals alot. I also think it's better to end a relationship in a grown up, humane way instead of hating eachother endlessly, if that's possible. The latter was the case with me and my girlfriend unfortunatly.

I am currently dating someone by the way.

[turquoise70]

I haven't been in a long-term relationship in about 4 or 5 years. i'm a creepy undatable idm nerd!

The last breakup I had from a relationship that was greater than 1 year in length was one of those nasty crash-and-burn ones mentioned above, right around the time I discovered BoC. it took me 2 years to stop being depressed every day over that garbage, and since then I haven't been in any hookups that last longer than 3 weeks or so. and i'm still not gettin any.

i'm a tourbus of virgins headed to virgin city. don't get me wrong though, at this juncture i'm really chill with being single and completely off most women my ages' radar. as much as i'd like some intimate emotional companionship and some poontang i'm also not feeling up to the aggravation of trying to presuade a woman into hanging around with me, which is a task in and of itself considering what i have to work with, not to mention i just don't like being around anyone as much as a boyfriend and girlfriend are around each other. and let's not even get into intimacy issues.

i think any woman in her right mind who is my age is repelled by me and what i'm doing with myself, it spells "lazy pothead bum loser who can't be relied upon to provide money/house or be the man in the emotional part of our relationship" and that's fine with me. it may be kind of unfortunate but i'm convinced things would be worse if i tried to fake it and take up the shittyass role i'm expected to and pretend to be a big grown up normal mature man with a nice haircut and a respectable job when i'm nothing of the sort and don't see myself that way.

[Cupz]

I haven't been in a long-term relationship in about 4 or 5 years. i'm a creepy undatable idm nerd!

Just look at his avatar!

Same here though. I haven't really kissed/loved a girl in 3 years

I sorta gave it up. Relationships only hurt anyway.
And thats the state I'm in...untill I meet some girl, I guess.

[Mexicola]

Hey, was just curious as to whether you guys are in relationships, have been relationships or whatever? Just broke up with my girlfriend who I was in a 3 year relationship with and it hurts like hell, pretty much don't know what to do with myself. Any advice anyone can give?

You have my sympathy fella. Been there, done that (more than once sadly!) But it never seems to get any easier.

Best advise I can give you is don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. People you meet sometimes get a bit matter-of-fact about it and forget how powerful it can feel when you come out of a long-term relationship. It can sometimes make you feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling bad for a long while afterwards. You've gotta accept that things will feel like shite for a while, maybe a long while, but at the same time also remember that it won't always feel that way - even though it might feel never-ending. Your bad times come and go, but so do your good times. It's just everything gets amplified about 300% for a while. There will be a happy ending.

Took me years (literally) to fully get over my split with my first wife (looooooooong story - married too young. Enough said) but now I've met someone wonderful and I'm honestly happier than I've ever been.

Good luck fella. Hang in there.

[itannexe]

I'm sorry BNR, I know it's never easy.... but I'm totally with Mexicola here, you'll probably feel awfully bad for a while but good times will surely come again, you'll see

A few days ago I ended a relationship too. It wasn't as long-term as some of yours explained here, we were together since summer, and though I was the one who made the decision to quit, it really hurts, more than I thought it would. The reasons are obviously too complicated to explain in a few words, but in the end I feel lucky to have ended the relationship in a very positive and grown-up way, as Guido says.

These are bad days to pass through this kind of situations, well, there's never a good time, but I guess I'll be ok anytime soon and, as I don't want to be alone again for long, I'm gonna keep the doors open to meet someone else and start it all over again...

[Magic Brenda]

This is a little tangental but bear with me... A friend died a few weeks ago and the long and the short of it is that I didn't go to the funeral. I was getting jip off all these people saying it was disrespectful and I should have shown my last respects and such, but on the day I went to the bar that we used to hang out in with a few other people who knew her, got a bit tipsy and had a really good laugh remembering all the stupid shit we used to get up to and mad situation we'd find ourselves in. People deal with grief in different ways I grant you, but I feel that when a relationship has ended, whatever the situation, try to remember the fun and good times and the best bits and let that be your coping mechanism with the situation. Not to say it's easy, but as an analogy, it's hardly ever the last line of a book that sticks in your mind after you've read it.

[turquoise70]

A friend died a few weeks ago and the long and the short of it is that I didn't go to the funeral. I was getting jip off all these people saying it was disrespectful and I should have shown my last respects

I hear you loud and clear man. A friend of mine died last year and I didn't go to the funeral either. I guess it was some social anxiety in my case... in one way or another I rationalized not going, and I took some flak for it from my parents, who didn't know the girl in the first place. I just didn't feel like that was the right way for me to honor her memory. Instead I just thought long and hard about the time we had spent together and reflected on the ways she touched my life.

[bleak.]

i remember this time last year i started a similar thread, in which you offered the best advice of all. as many people have mentioned, things now will look a lot worse...but you must in time begin to look at the positives. keep creative, visit friends and don't dwell on this too much. it will take time, but please don't beat yourself up over this. you're a talented guy and i'm sure you're as well respected with friends and family as you're on the twoism forum - i sincerely hope you're okay man.

[Skytree]

I've been in the same relationship for about 3 years now...guess you could say around the pre-engagement stage. Our connection is prepetually on the upswing, so I've never fully considered what I'd do in case of a split, despite having been through plenty.

In general though, my experience is that relationships end when both parties don't agree on who they are and where they want their lives to go. If you initated the split, then maybe that's the case with you. If it is, then this could be a great opportunity to re-define and remember who you are and who you want to be. Personally, I've picked up old hobbies after ending a relationship, or picked up new ones that I'd felt compelled to explore for a long time...I've redefined myself according to who I thought I should be, rather than by the expectations of someone else.

The release and rediscovery is almost always worth it, I think...though it can hurt a lot in the meantime. And if you're an artist, creating something always, always helps.

Best of luck man.

[BrandNewRetro]

Wow, thanks for the awesome responses guys, it's really brought my mood up Yesterday I felt extremely lost and not knowing where to go next. After speaking to my friends and family I feel so much better, it's no doubt going to take a long time to get used to but I know that in the long run things will be ok, I think being in a previous long-term relationship has most certainly helped me go about this one in a more mature, sensible way. Basically she wanted to break up with me because she thought we were 'driting apart', I still wanted to stay in the relationship which made things much harder. But as time went on I realised more and more that she didn't want to be with me, and I realised that there was no point in fighting it and having her string me along. I decided to refrain from any bitterness and anger towards her, obviously I felt it inside, but I know that in the long run staying friends will be the best solution as for the past few years she's been my best and closest friend.

My moods are all over the place at the moment, but currently I feel quite alright! Part of me is excited that a new chapter has unfolded in my life, and the unpredictability is something to look forward to I guess. I've also realised that being in a relationship has distracted me from creativity, as now all I want to do is put some music together, draw something, work on my websites etc. I'm not sure if this is some subconcious way of taking my mind off things, but either way it surely can't be a bad thing.

Thanks again guys, you've been awesome

[Flyingpurplepeopleeater]

I haven't been in a serious, long term relationship for about three years. The last one was the most serious I've ever had.
I have no idea who I would want to end up with, would have to be someone who has been through similar things to myself I think. Otherwise I just don't have the patience for it. I am too self sufficient by now.
Breaking up was really hard, the whole relationship was in fact, and I don't need that extra pain in my life. Better be more careful next time!

I hope you find distrations from your pain BNR- try and keep yourself occupied. Are you a producer? (most of us are!) If so- write some tunes and turn that hurt into sound. Or do anything, just so long as it keeps your focus on possibilities rather than regret.
Best of luck mate.

[BrandNewRetro]

I hope you find distrations from your pain BNR- try and keep yourself occupied. Are you a producer? (most of us are!) If so- write some tunes and turn that hurt into sound. Or do anything, just so long as it keeps your focus on possibilities rather than regret.
Best of luck mate.

I am indeedely, was on the last One on Twoism and have submitted for the new one. Still never released a full record though, I think that can be one of my aims now. I also run a website which releases music, so I have plenty to keep me occupied

[Skytree]

I hope you find distrations from your pain BNR- try and keep yourself occupied. Are you a producer? (most of us are!) If so- write some tunes and turn that hurt into sound. Or do anything, just so long as it keeps your focus on possibilities rather than regret.
Best of luck mate.

I am indeedely, was on the last One on Twoism and have submitted for the new one. Still never released a full record though, I think that can be one of my aims now. I also run a website which releases music, so I have plenty to keep me occupied

Glad to hear you're doing a bit better.

I made my first full-length LP after a breakup, both as a coping mechanism and as an exploration of who I was. The vibe in my current music and much of what I envision for it was defined by that experience.

Just an example of what I mentioned above, though it seems like you have plenty of options.

[747Music]

My last GF was nuts (a redhead... of coarse). I'm happily enjoying my single life right now. Don't think I'll be in another relationship for a while yet. Not answering to anyone is great.

Huzzah for single life!

[CoBoC]

My last GF was nuts (a redhead... of coarse). I'm happily enjoying my single life right now. Don't think I'll be in another relationship for a while yet. Not answering to anyone is great.

Huzzah for single life!

envy...

[markNine]

1 year, 2 months and counting.

[Phasen]

I haven't been in a long-term relationship in about 4 or 5 years. i'm a creepy undatable idm nerd!

Just look at his avatar!

Same here though. I haven't really kissed/loved a girl in 3 years

I sorta gave it up. Relationships only hurt anyway.
And thats the state I'm in...untill I meet some girl, I guess.

Me too cupz. Occasionally some drunken college evening turns into a random hook up, but I feel no need for a girlfriend. I'm 19...I don't much care about dating right now, until I meet that 'some girl' I'm supposed to meet, lol. IDK, I don't plan on having kids and stuff anyways, but that all depends on if I get married. Not trying to rush though- I don't even want to think about all that for another decade or so--I'm having too much fun ridin' solo. For now, all those things cause is stress, to me at least.

Plus I'm not exactly the smoothest guy in the world when it comes to girls, but I really don't care (that sounds crazy...I'm supposed to be jacked up on hormones still...)

[Cupz]

masturbation ftw

[Magi]

Most of the men are very insecure, pretending that they are someone else. They act a lot and they are possessive. And the ones who are self-confident they are usualy arrogant egoistic bastards caring only about themselves. Well balanced, simple and intelligent persons are very very rare. In my experience.

When I tell them to be what they really are they get offended. Unneccessary though. All I need is simplicity. Haven't found a decent normal guy so far. Stopped trying as well. I feel sick of lame pickup phrases and believe me, they do it the same way all over europe. The most popular airport one is "did it hurt?"... "what?"... "when you fell from the sky"... give me a break. or in the pub... "apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"... Vomit time!

Home sweet home, I'm going nowhere on the new year's eve, I'll be with a few my close friends and watch movies and play videogames.